Blessed, Blasted Choices
by Fantasy's-Priestess
Summary: Cas needs to close the Gates of Heaven. Dean needs to stop him. (posted from my A03 account)


He ran into the warehouse, Sam barely keeping up with him as he did so. Normally he'd hold back, make sure his brother was okay, maybe make him stay in the car—but not today. No; he had to get in there. He literally had no choice. He had already lost or had almost lost everything in his life. He couldn't lose this.

He refused.

"Cas?! CAS!" Dean screeched upon arrival, praying for a noise, a sign, anything.

Luck was on his side (for once) it seemed; a bright light flickered a couple of rooms away. He was running in a heartbeat. Sam wasn't following behind him anymore, but he trusted his brother wouldn't be an idiot and get himself hurt.

"Cas?!" He screamed the whole way there, praying he wasn't too late, that the dickwad of an angel hadn't—

Fuck his life.

"Cas you little fucker." Dean hissed, shielding his eyes from the overwhelming light. Of what he could see, there was a massive motherfucker of a hole—possibly a portal, which is cooler then it should be—in the wall, and too near for comfort was the trench coat wearing sonuvabitch.

"Will I be righteous after I do this for the world Dean?" Cas called above the wind that was beginning to pick up.

"What?!"

"You may hate me and call me a 'fucker' now, but after I die…will you consider me righteous and good?" Cas repeated, eyeing the portal.

"No! No I will fucking not! Because you're not going in there!" Dean cried back, gripping the doorway to the small room. The strong wind was the only thing that kept him from grabbing Cas and pulling him away from this, from all of this. But he knew if he dared venture out, he'd probably be sucked right in. And there's no way come back from that.

"I am a celestial being yet I have the option of free will. How lucky I am Dean. I am able to say to you without guilt; 'Fuck off.'"

Dean laughed despite the situation and quickly replied, "Not gonna happen."

"Dean…" Castiel pleaded, catching Dean's attention, "This is our only option."

"No, it's not. Kevin can think of something; he's smart—"

"It is. It's 'now or never' Dean. And I must repent for my foolishness and stupidity—"

"Everyone makes mistakes Cas! It comes with Free Will! And despite what you think, we forgive the hell outta—" Dean cried desperately as Cas began to slowly shuffle forwards.

"But Heaven does not. And despite what you say, you do not…I especially do not. This will repent myself—" Cas said, looking over his shoulder at the hunter. Dean could see fear, and even tears, in the angel's eyes. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to die. But he was going to do it anyways. To repent for mistakes that couldn't have been avoided. And probably for the good of mankind.

That sonuvabitch.

"This is you being a coward, that's what! You're running away from your mistakes, not repenting them! Sort your shit out."

Cas gave him an understanding look, but kept shuffling forward.

"Will I be known as the coward then? The coward who closed the Gates of Heaven."

"Goddammit Cas."

He was running out of options. He didn't seem to be convincing Castiel very well to stop this…but he had to. He had to. He couldn't…

Well, here goes nothing.

"Cas…" Dean called, trying to catch the angel's attention. He seemed to.

"Look here you sonuvabitch; you're not doing this. Not if you want us both to go."

Cas' eyes widened and his mouth opened to form words, probably a few no's and choice swear words he learned from Dean, but nothing came out. He had to watch as Dean let go one of the two arms holding desperately to the doorway. The wind was terrible now. Even Castiel was having a hard time in not being sucked in. Dean was so, so scared…but he couldn't see any other way out of this.

"So you either get your ass back over here and we'll figure this out, or I'm following you. Your choice."

That's what it all came down to;

Choice.

Blasted, damned choices.

Beautiful, blessed choices.

They're what brought them to this point.

Maybe if they both chose differently, did certain things right, maybe they wouldn't be facing this terrible choice.

But the present was the present, and nothing could be changed.

"You can't Dean," Cas finally answered, looking at him with such fear in his eyes that it took his breath away, "Sam needs you."

"Sam's a big boy." Dean lied. The truth was, he was fucking terrified for Sam. But…

Cas needed him more right now.

"He needs you Dean, and you've never ignored his call."

"First time for everything…now, what's it going to be?"

Cas looked like a deer caught in headlights. He so obviously didn't want to make this decision.

Dean wasn't going to give him a choice about it though.

"Cas…"

"Dean…" said Cas desperately, "Please."

"Fuck no. Together, or not at all."

Cas looked between him and Heaven, him and Heaven, until his eyes finally focused on something. Dean. No, wait…on something behind him…

"Sam." Was all Cas whispered.

At the name Dean was desperately turning around, looking behind him. Was there some monster or angel that tried to get him while his big brother was occupied—?

Sam wasn't there.

Dean's head whipped around so hard a sharp pain ran up his neck.

"CAS!"

Cas had stepped forward and jumping into the portal.

Dean kept his promise.

"Dean? Dean?!"

He wanted to yell at Sammy for waking him up. What the fuck man? All he wants is five more minutes...Besides, his brother should be resting! Those fucking trials took practically everything outta him...He needed to be sleeping, not worrying for him...

"DEAN!" He blearily opened his eyes as his upper body shot up-knocking himself into the moose that was his brother."

"Sonuvabitch..." Dean groaned, grabbing his head. Sam grabbed his own and groaned along with him.

"You okay?" Dean asked gruffly a few seconds later, sniffling and trying to hide the fact that _damn _that _hurt_!

"...Yeah. Are you?" Sam asked wearily, looking at him as if any second he would break. "I'm fine...what happened?" Sam didn't answer.

"Sammy?"

No answer.

"Sammy, goddammit answer me!" Sam's gaze looked over to the far left. Dean followed his eyes...

"No."

All of his memories came back as he scrambled over to Cas, whose head was bloody and his blue eyes empty. For once, he looked honest to goodness—

"No, no you asshole! You're not fucking allowed!" Dean yelled at him, hitting his chest. There_ had _to be a way to get that useless heart of his beating again...

The absence of a heartbeat a few minutes later, even as Dean pounded on his chest and tried to breathe life into him, made Dean sob. He wept loudly over his friend's body, for once not able to keep the tears at bay. Why would he? Only Sammy was there, and there was no terrible monster out to kill them in a moment's notice...why not sob for the SOB who dared to do this to him?

"...Dean..."

"No Sam! _No_! This bitch, he...he wasn't supposed to do this to me anymore!"

"I know, but—"

That's when Dean felt it.

A little blip.

He completely froze and his spine straightened. He frowned down at the angel's body.

"—his body should be treated—"

"Shut up Sam."

"Dean—"

"SHUT UP!" Dean growled, putting his fingers against the cold skin of Cas' wrist. Was that...? Please...?

There!

Dean's face stretched into a smile as he laughed, taking his fingers away. He laughed even harder as he laid his head against Cas' chest, just in case...

A beat.

"You...you sonuvabitch!" Dean laughed, sitting up and whacking Cas in his arm. Sam looked frightened and even concerned as he watched his brother laugh almost hysterically beside his angel.

Just as he was about to drag Dean away and maybe get him some whiskey, Cas suddenly gasped and his eyes opened. Now it was his turn to sit up hurriedly, looking around himself earnestly. He seemed to spot what he was looking for when his eyes laid on Dean. And for what felt like the first time, Cas' lips stretched into a smile.

"You crazy sonuvabitch!" Dean finally said after a few seconds of a staring contest. Then with no warning, he jumped into Cas' arms with a small sob. Instead of just lying with his arms to the side this time though, Cas brought his arms up and wrapped them around the crying man.

Sam nodded at the angel quickly before he left the room, knowing the two needed their privacy.

"You...you weren't supposed to go where I can't follow man." Dean coughed, hanging onto the angel for dear life it seemed.

"I know...I just couldn't—"

"I understand, I understand...Just don't _ever _do that again." Dean threatened, finally pulling away.

"Dean...I'm human." the now ex-angel suddenly whispered, with fright clear in his voices and his eyes wide.

"It's...it's alright. We'll make it through." was all he promised before enveloping his friend in his arms again.

And even now, Dean kept his promise.


End file.
